Emotional Dependency (Christmas Blog)

Why is it that we look to others to make us feel good? Whether its wives looking for their husbands to appreciate what they do, husbands looking for support and encouragement from their wives, parents looking for their kids to be respectful and obedient, or even kids looking to get love & care from their parents...to be comforted and complimented. Friends looking to just be reassured and to "feel better". Employees wanting to be acknowledged and appreciated by their bosses and bosses wanting their workers to work hard & not disappoint.  We fill many various roles each day and each role comes with us expecting something from someone else.  Think about it...what was the last thing you expected from someone (you may have to think about this one because it probably comes so naturally yet subconsciously). 

More importantly, when was the last time you were hurt, or disappointed because that person did not give you what you wanted/needed at that moment.  Your wife didn't encourage you like you wanted her to..your husband didn't appreciate you like you wanted him to,..your son/daughter didn't obey you right away like you wanted them to...etc.  Time after time, day after day we go through this continuous process of trying to get others to fulfill our emotional needs & when they fail us, we are left upset, frustrated, sad, and even disappointed.  If this is the way you operate, you are essentially giving others control and free access to your emotions to do whatever they want with them. What they say or do determines your outcome. That doesn't seem right, does it? So why do we allow ourselves to go down this road of expectancy & disappointment over and over again? It is time we stop hinging our emotions on others to fulfill.  Now I'm not saying that we should not lean on each other for support & encouraging because the Bible clearly states that believers should do this (1 Thess 5:11,1 Peter 4:810, Gal 6:2, Heb 10:25), but what I am saying is that our dependency is in the wrong spot.

Instead of being emotionally dependent on one another, we need to be emotionally dependent on God. Many people think that God comes with limitations & that it’s unrealistic for Him to fill all of our human needs, but this type of thinking is flawed. The Bible provides many verses telling us to do just that. To rely on God for ALL our needs. Not just our physical needs or mental strength, but our emotions too. 

Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.(Phil 4:19)

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
(Matt 6:31-33)

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work. 
(2 Cor. 9:8) 

One of the greatest things about depending on God is that He does NOT DISAPPOINT! When we need Him to be there for us, He is there. Always. He won’t be running late & He will not disappoint.  He is our Counselor, our Comforter, & our Helper.  Get this, He knows your heart & what you need better than you know it!  One of my favorite sets of verses is found in Psalm 33:13-15

From heaven the Lord looks down
    and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth— he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.

God FORMS our hearts. He made our hearts! Do we now think that he doesn’t know what’s in them? When the truth is so plainly laid out, why do we still resist to allow ourselves to become fully dependent on Him? Why do we insist on depending on other people for fulfillment when they are guaranteed to disappoint??? I hope if you’re reading this you really think about what I am saying because the message here could truly set you free. If you put your emotional dependence in God’s hands & go to him when you need comfort, help, encouragement, strength, etc, then you will start to realize that your episodes of self-pity and disappointment occur less and less often.  You will also see that during the times when you do get disappointed or feel self-pity, those actual moments will become shorter & shorter.  You won’t harbor those feelings for hours or days. They will begin to dissipate more quickly as long as you run to God for fulfillment. 

I know we are all human & relying on one another to carry each other’s burdens and lift one another up is Biblical, but the primary source of our dependency should be Jesus. Then you can lean on one another. Put your emotional dependency in this order & you are destined to have a healthier mindset and a happier heart.  

As Christmas Time rolls around again this year, more opportunities for disappointment seem to surface than any other time of year. I encourage you to pray & read the Bible. Look for verses that pinpoint your struggles & memorize them. Turn your dependency to Christ & lean on Him. The best thing about all of this, is that His availability is not restricted to Christmastime.  He is available ALL throughout the year. Which leads me to my last & final point:

Don’t make Jesus a “seasonal” tradition just like Christmas Trees & Santa Claus & presents. I encourage you to make Him part of your everyday life…spend time with him in January & February and every month that follows leading up to Christmas.  Many people turn on their so called “Spirituality” around Thanksgiving time and then once the New Year hits, it tapers off.  How do you think Jesus feels? He is taken out of a closet & put on display in a manger for a couple of weeks (theoretically & realistically speaking) and then stuffed back into storage. That’s the same thing we do with Jesus in our lives.  We take Him out when it’s convenient…we go to church more often around the holidays…we try to be nicer to people and more giving…and we even sing songs about Christ’s birth. But then, when we lose the excitement & hype of the season, we shove Him back into the darkest, furthest closet in our hearts only to dust Him back off 11 months later. 
A relationship with Jesus is not a seasonal thing. At least it shouldn’t be.  I’m not saying this to lecture you because I struggle with this as well, but the peace, hope, comfort, security, and happiness that you yearn for and look forward to at Christmas can be attained throughout the entire year. Instead of a new year’s resolution, make a lifestyle resolution this year. Decide to incorporate Jesus into your life more frequently & you will begin to feel an inward transformation as others see an outward one.

I wrote the poem below a few years back but it still holds true until today. Some of you may remember this from when I gave them out, but I encourage you to read it again & keep the message with you all throughout the year.  I have been praying that at least one person will come to Jesus this year or even be restored to the right path in their life and return to Him. 

 I hope you all have a Blessed Christmas! See you next year!

DESTROY PRIDE & BE STILL

2 Kings 2 23-25 is a very odd passage of Scripture in terms of its placement. I was reading through 2 Kings and this paragraph didn’t seem to fit the storyline.  It seemed a little “off the cuff” and I even re-read it to make sure I wasn’t missing anything.  After I re-read it, I still did not understand its relevance and once you read it, you might not either.

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.

Pretty violent story huh? Well the Old Testament is full of violent stories which I am slowly finding out J  Shortly after I read this passage I continued on with my day & it was brought to my attention that I too was being “jeered” at only behind my back. It was not anything major, but internally I got very upset & frustrated. (The NKJV actually uses the word “mocked” instead of “jeered”) I could feel my blood pressure rising although I managed to give the appearance that it didn’t bother me.  Truth is = I was fueling inside!!  Why did this bother me so much? Why was I so upset over this when I know people thrive on gossip & when I know the story was misconstrued!

Have you ever experienced this? Has someone ever made fun of you, or talked down to you, or have you ever had a conversation with someone and you know the minute you walk away they are talking about you?! I’m sure we all have or do experience something like this. It just eats at you and you can’t shake the feeling.

Thankfully, the passage of Scripture that I mentioned above is what came to my mind at that moment. “Ah-ha”  - J  Now it made sense.  You see, when I read the story about 42 boys being killed by bears for simply making fun of Elisha, I thought, “man, that’s kind of harsh”, “poor boys”, but what I failed to do was look at it from the other perspective.  This story demonstrates the lengths God will go to in order to protect those who love Him. It displays His great power that can be utilized in the lives of His children. So instead of letting myself say “poor boys”, I now say “Great God”. God handled Elisha’s battle…even our smallest battles God can handle.  Not only is He able, He WANTS too.  Nowhere in the Bible does He say “You shall fight your own battles and do the best you can and THEN I will step in and take over”.  Instead it says “THE LORD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU, YOU ONLY NEED TO BE STILL” (Exodus 14:14). 

So while I was sitting there absorbing the words I just heard about what occurred behind my back, I re-read this passage & everything clicked. I prayed and asked God to relieve these horrible feelings of retaliation that I had. (In my mind I was already making up what I was going to say when I saw these people). Within a couple of minutes the intense feelings started to subside, and I realized that God was going to take care of things for me. I realized that none of this even mattered.  “Who cares?” I thought. “God knows the truth & that’s all that really matters”. An amazing thing happened during those few minutes. A true peace came over me, and at this very moment, I can laugh at the situation. “How petty” “How petty”. 

 

Another thing I realized was that the main thing that was causing those bad feelings to rise up, was my pride. Yes, I said it, Pride.

 

I didn’t want people to think something bad about me, especially if it wasn’t true! I didn’t want people to develop a false idea of who I am. This was really what was bothering me. It was the root cause of all of my emotions. (Interestingly enough Pride has been something I’ve been battling with anyway & praying about). Hmmm..maybe this was Gods way of helping me overcome it.  Either way, it worked.  Not completely of course because I’m still human, but it helped me learn to take a step back, and let God do what He does best: fight my battles for me & take care of my enemies.

With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles. (2 Chronicles 32:8)

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

(Rom 12:19)

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
    you preserve my life.
You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes;
    with your right hand you save me.

 (Psalm 138:7)

Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
 for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away….

The wicked plot against the righteous
    and gnash their teeth at them;
but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
    for he knows their day is coming

(Psalm 37: 1,2,13)

Psalm 37 is a great Psalm I encourage you to read! It provides many verses about how God will care for those who are saved & trust in Him & how He will take care of our enemies.

I hope you were encouraged by this blog. God cares about even the smallest things in our lives & I encourage you to keep a couple of these verses handy so you are prepared the next time your pride or character is threatened. Remember, Don’t React....let God Act.

 

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NO SIN TOO GREAT...

Most of you know that I was saved at an early age in life, but for many years growing up I had drifted from what I believed & from what I was taught.  I struggled with sin and although I knew I wasn’t honoring God, I had trouble getting my life back on track.  You may be experiencing something similar right now in your life. Think about it…is there something in your life that you are struggling with?  Do you feel stuck?

During my time astray,(many years!) a couple things kept going through my mind such as “why should I ask God for forgiveness when I know I’m probably going to end up doing the same thing again”.... or, “I keep disappointing God, and it’s pointless for me to pray to Him when I know I’m going to sin again”.  So, instead of praying, I convinced myself it was better not to pray.  It was better for me & God to just stay away from Him altogether since I wasn’t living the way I knew I was supposed to.  BIG MISTAKE.  Can I just tell you, that this way of thinking is the devil getting into your head.  Where in the Bible does it say, “if you sin, do not come to me if you plan on sinning again”? Where in the Bible does it say, “If you are going to disappoint me again, then don’t bother praying”? I’m telling you, this mentality is so wrong, yet I am convinced that so many others, besides myself believes these lies!

It’s actually the complete opposite. God wants us to come to Him immediately after we have sinned. He doesn’t want our sin to fester…the sooner we admit to him our wrongdoings, the sooner He can bless us. Don’t believe the lies of Satan.  God knows we are going to sin again…He isn’t asking for perfection.  I challenge you to go to God in prayer (even if you don’t feel like it) & ask God for forgiveness even though you know you are going to commit the same act again.  God will work in your heart & you will begin to feel a change within yourself. The longer you delay, the more satisfaction you give Satan and the more heart-ache you give the Lord. 

Let me ask you this. Have you ever committed a sin so bad that it deserved jail time?  In the book of 2 Samuel, David commits a horrible sin! One that would warrant a lifetime sentence in today’s society.  He committed adultery with Uriah’s wife, & then had him murdered!  This is the same David that killed Goliath… the same David who God had made King over Israel! But listen to what his friend Nathan said to him right after David admitted to his sin “The Lord has taken away your sin” (12:13).  There is NO SIN TOO GREAT for God to forgive & NO SINNER TOO SMALL for God to save. Now due to his sin, David’s son (which was conceived through adultery) died when he was only 7 days old, but the Lord then blessed David with another son who rose up to become a great man of God himself and eventually King over Israel: Solomon.

God can turn your worst mistakes into blessings. He is waiting for you to come to Him in prayer & call out to Him for help. “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” (Acts 3:19) I believed Satan’s lies for many years & kept ignoring God.

 

Don’t lose out on precious time. Stand up to the brainwashing & fall down into prayer. You’ll be amazed at what God will do.

RICOCHET

Many people carry the heaviness of their problems and their burdens every day from the time they wake up in the morning until the time they go to sleep at night. In addition, many of us are carrying our friends and families burdens and problems also. We are supposed to help one another, but we should rely on God to carry it all.

Jesus said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”(Matt 11: 28-30).

We are promised that we WILL FIND REST if we give our burdens to God. Why is it so hard to do so? Why do we feel that we have to carry everything and do everything ourselves? Why are we so stubborn to let go??  Maybe it has something to do with the way the world perceives strength. The more you can handle..the more you can accomplish..the more money you have...the more education you have..MORE- MORE- MORE- means GO- GO- GO.  We feel like we have to be in control of everything! No wonder we are run down & hesitant to give our problems and concerns to God. 

BUT, It is when we are at our weakest, that we can actually be our strongest through Jesus Christ who empowers us. It's the complete opposite of the worlds view. Be weak so I can be strong? Absolutely. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness....That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."(2 Cor 12:9-10)

I challenge you to start each morning and end each night by talking to God & giving Him your problems..be specific & ask Him to help you.  He is waiting to lighten your load. The question is..are you ready to give it up?

Hope you find this encouraging-

RICOCHET

My load is so heavy

Too much to bare

Can barely get up

Call out in despair.

So many problems

Nowhere to go

Carry you too?

But I can’t say “no”

So I pile on your burdens

And add them to my own

Now I can hardly move

Reaping more than I’ve sown.

You are my downfall

You pushed me over the edge

But I just realized:

I was already on the ledge

For my own burdens

I cannot blame you

Handle them alone

Not what I should do.

So I prayed to the Lord

To put in my hand

Something to help me:

A strong rubber-band

Little did I realize

That I had it all along

Oh it worked fine!

I was just using it wrong.

I absorbed my burdens

And others as well

Bounced them back onto me

Couldn’t stand, so I fell

But now I see freedom

And now I am free

God said “use your rubber band

And ricochet up to ME!

Your rubber-band will never break

Nor will it ever wear out,

For my strength is endless

You have no reason to doubt.

So I will wait here for you

Day after Day

As you learn how to trust Me

And send your burdens My way”

 

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We Lost Our Cat / Devil's Deception

As some of you know, yesterday we lost our cat Sunny. 

He’s an indoor cat and must have hopped the gate and jumped off the deck.  My husband & I searched for hours! About 6 hours straight! We put up flyers, talked to neighbors, and searched the woods over & over again constantly calling his name. Soon it got dark outside…it was pitch black & we were outside with flashlights still searching. I ended up making personal letters & we put one on each doorstep of each house on our block.  As we were finishing up, I came up to this one house and was about to put the letter on the doorstep when I saw Sunny! He was just laying there & he meowed/growled a little. His face was a little weird looking but that was probably because of all the stress he was under for the past few hours. My heart leaped for joy & I grabbed him and we ran back to our house & I put him down inside. He just stood there and looked back at us & it was then that I realized that the cat I had just brought into our house, was not our cat. He had exactly the same color pattern as Sunny…the tiger stripe legs, the dark gray on his back..everything! But his facial features were slightly off. My heart sunk deeper than it had been all night and we let the cat out who eventually found his way back home. (TRUE STORY!)  I mean, what are the chances of a cat like that...a cat that looked almost identical to Sunny...being on that porch while I was looking for my cat who looked just like him?? (mind you we've been living here 2 years & have never seen that cat before).  

At this moment, I truly felt that the devil was toying with me. He knew I was vulnerable & in his own way, he was laughing at me. I got angry. I was angry at the devil, and at myself for being so deceived to think that it was my cat.  Even after I had originally saw that his face was a little different, I still picked him up and took him home, probably because I wanted to BELIEVE that it was Sunny. That cat wasn't on that porch by "coincidence" nor did I take him home by "coincidence". When you believe in God & His full control than you cancel out any room to believe in coincidences.

A couple hours later, on my last search of the night, and after much prayer, God brought Sunny out of the woods & directly into my line of sight & God allowed me to grab him & take him home.  Yes, a happy ending to my story, but it got me thinking.  

How often do we allow the devil to deceive us in our everyday lives??  He is very slick in his ways, & if our guard is down, even a little, he strikes right away.  The devil is smart…he knows our weaknesses & he attacks when we are most vulnerable. He is also the king of deception. The same devil that deceived Eve in the garden of Eden is the same devil unleashed today that deceives us in our minds & hearts every day. The sad thing is, we don’t even realize when he is doing it.  And sometimes when we do realize it, it's already too late.  

I ignored the warning of the different facial features when I took that cat home…I allowed myself to be deceived because of my wants and my emotions. How often do we tell ourselves…”Oh one more sip..or one more drink won’t hurt”, or “I’m not a gossiper but it’s ok if I talk about people once in awhile”, Or “I deserve this vacation, or “I deserve to spoil myself so it’s okay if I splurge or waste money this one time”, or “just 10 more bucks..and if I lose than I’ll stop betting”…”Just this one more time”…

We rationalize our behavior to make it fit what we want to do & what we think we need in order to temporarily satisfy our emotions. Well let me tell you, that has the devil’s name written all over it. Say what you want but the Bible even says to  ^“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

There is only one way to be successful in standing up against the devil & being able to protect yourself from his attacks & that is through the Armor of God. We are told to  “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” (Eph 6:10).

The more spiritually prepared you are in your every day life, the more difficult it will become for the devil to bring you down. He goes after the weak…don’t allow yourself to be one of the “weak” ones. Spending time reading the Bible & praying every day & establishing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ will help you build up the defense you need.

 So what is your choice? Will you take a stand against the devil? Will you take a stand on something that not only defines your earthly life but determines your eternal life?

Let me ask you this: If you are not using God as your defense, then what are you using?? Because if you have any answer other than God, then your defense isn't working....and.... if you think it is working...than the devil is already at work.

Don’t be like me. Don’t let the “wrong cat” into your life. Even more importantly, don’t take him home, and DO NOT invite him into your house.

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ARE YOU A ZOMBIE?

          With Halloween coming up & even in all of the latest movies, Zombies seem to be all over the place! I'm sure everyone is familiar with the Sprint commercial where the Zombie goes into the store & at the ends says the famous line "I'm a Zombie"       

A zombie is basically considered someone who is walking around DEAD! Good thing they're not real.... OR ARE THEY?  My question to you is: Are you a Zombie?  Are you walking around every day thinking you're "Alive" when in reality you are really "dead"? Although this blog may be a little longer than usual, I encourage you to read it to the end & discover if you are in fact a zombie.

 How much Power do you think it required to raise Jesus from the dead? More than we can comprehend, right? Well would you be surprised to know that the same power that was used to raise Jesus Christ from the dead, is the same power we have inside of us? We have this same power through the Holy Spirit who comes to live inside each of us individually BUT only when we invite Jesus to live in our hearts first.

   

“And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you –Rom 8:9-10; 

“..and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead-Eph 1:19-20)

So How do I get this power?? I can I be sure the Holy Spirit is living in me?

Well you see, eternal security in heaven is secured by one way & one way only. 

 The Bible teaches that we must confess our sins to God, ask for forgiveness, believe that God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross as a sacrifice for all of our sins, & believe God raised Him from the dead. If  you do this & believe this and ask Jesus to come into your heart & be your Lord & Savior then you will be saved!

Romans 10:9 says “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Once you ask Jesus to come into your heart & rule your life, the Holy Spirit is given to you & will be inside your heart forever!  NOW you have the power that I mentioned above. AND NOW, you are "ALIVE in Christ" & no longer spiritually Dead.

The thing is, many people walk around thinking they are alive (spiritually speaking) yet in reality they are dead.  Dead in Christ, & dead in eternity.  Many people DO believe in God…they believe He exists..they believe Jesus is the Son of God & he died on the cross for them, etc, but they do not have that personal relationship with Jesus. They never truly asked Him to come into their life & take over. They never truly confessed their sins to Him and asked for forgiveness.  So while they think they have eternal security in heaven, they don’t realize that they are missing the most important component that will guarantee their fate.  Being saved is relational…not just knowledge based.  It is acting & doing..not just thinking & knowing.

The Bible is clear that salvation & eternal security in heaven is not achieved by our good works. Think about it, if that were the case, then why would Jesus have to die on the cross? If we were able to earn our way to heaven, then Christ’s death would have been pointless. 

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast”- Eph 2:8-9, 

“For we maintain that a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law” Rom 3:28

Could you be one of those people? Could you be walking around each and every day thinking you have the power of the Holy Spirit in you….thinking you are going to heaven but maybe, just maybe you have never truly asked Jesus to be Lord of your life?  This could not only make the difference in your eternity, but also in your everyday life here on earth.  This can make the difference in your depression, your anxiety, your perspective, your anger, your emptiness, your sadness, your struggles, your fears, etc!

I hope that you don’t just read this blog & walk away saying, “that was a nice read”, but I hope you actually take a moment to self-evaluate your personal relationship with Jesus & ask yourself “Am I truly saved?”  Asking yourself this question will not determine the difference between “life” & “death” but what you do about your answer WILL. Pray now & ask Jesus to come into your heart & be your Savior.

So one again I ask you...... ARE YOU A ZOMBIE?