A few days ago, one of my friends passed away. We hung out a lot during my teenage years, but
over the years I lost touch with her even though my sister stayed in touch. Her
death was sudden…shocking…completely unexpected. Young & loved by many, I
don’t think any of us saw this coming.
I hadn’t talked to her in years but there were times when a
mutual friend of ours told me that she would ask about me, but I never offered
up any contact information. I just accepted the nice thoughts and went on my
way. A few months ago I ended up
reaching out to her and “friended” her on Facebook and she even liked my
Luminate Your Path page, but this was the extent of our contact. No messages,
no comments, nothing.
Then, a few days ago, my sister informed me that she had
passed away. My heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach as I was in
disbelief. It’s true that years had
passed since we talked, but I couldn’t escape this overwhelming feeling of sorrow,
sickness, and disbelief. There was
definitely another source to my pain that was adding to the sorrow of her loss….
I kept thinking: “Why didn’t I reach out to her or get in
contact with her?? I could have talked to her about Jesus and explained to her
that He loves her so much that he died on the cross for her sins & wants
her to accept Him as her Lord & Savior!”
I could have shared with her not only the secret to freedom in this
life, but also the secret to freedom in eternity. Guilt overwhelmed me and I
thought of how selfish I was and I felt responsible for what I didn’t say and
what I didn’t do.
Imagine a loved one who is dying of cancer or some other disease and you have the cure! Imagine that you know exactly how they can get rid of it and get well! Now, imagine having this knowledge that could save their life, yet instead, you keep it to yourself and your loved one dies. This is how I felt… I felt I had the secret to LIFE in Christ yet I kept it to myself. Please understand that I am in no way saying that I knew her heart or what she believed. I truly don’t know; God does. I am just merely explaining my feelings of regret & passiveness.
That night on my way home from work, I prayed to God the
entire car ride. Mentally I know that I don’t control who accepts the Lord as
Savior and who doesn’t. I also know that if I were meant to have spoken to her
about God, then my own ignorance would not have prevented God’s plan from
happening. But emotionally, I felt destroyed.
The Lord brought a few verses to my mind as I continually went through
them in my head. One of them I had just read that morning. Coincidence? Hardly.
It was fresh in my mind when I needed it the most.
“What,
after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom
you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been
making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is
anything, but only God, who makes things grow.
The one who plants and the one who waters
have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own
labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s
field, God’s building. For no one can lay any foundation other than the
one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.” (1 Cor 3:5-9,11)
I know the Devil attacks us at our weakest moments…he likes
to attack when we are most vulnerable, and this is exactly what was happening. The
Bible says “Be alert and of sober
mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring
lion looking for someone to devour” (1 peter 5:8)
So you see, God wasn’t placing this guilt on me; it was Satan’s lies trying
to deceive me into thinking that I had the power to change someone’s
heart. By the time I pulled into my
driveway that night, the Lord had already started to relieve me from the guilty
feeling of responsibility & I began to feel comforted. Although damaging
thoughts still creep in my mind every now and then, God’s word is more powerful
than anything I think or feel. Heb 4:12 “For the word of God is alive and
powerful…..”
I had to come to the end of myself that night, which is
actually an ongoing process in my daily walk.
I keep reminding myself that God is the one who works in us “both to
will and to act according to His good pleasure.” (Phil 2:13) He is the one who causes someone to grow… He
is the one who “wakes us up spiritually”. “No one can
come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them, and I will raise them
up at the last day.” (John 6:44) “He
went on to say, “this is why I told you that no one can come to me unless
the Father has enabled them.” (John 6:65)
As for Me? I am simply a worker of Christ. I am a tool used
by Him to accomplish His will. And the best part is, He doesn’t NEED me to do
so! I am free because I know that God is Sovereign..He is in control..and He
doesn’t rely on ME to do anything. (Psalm 135:6, Psalm 115:3,)
There
is great freedom when you discover how truly helpless you are without the Lord
& there is great freedom in discovering that it is not in our efforts that
His will is done, but it is in our surrender that He accomplishes it. “He
must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30)
Corrie Ten Boom said it well: “You should not try to be
anything but an open channel for the Spirit of God. You never can be anything
else, even though you may think so at times.
Follow the pathway of obedience, and you will be used by God far beyond
your own powers” (pg. 20 Amazing Love)
I will truly miss my friend who passed away and my heart
aches for my sister, friends and family who will dearly miss her, but at the
same time I am comforted in knowing that I do not have to understand God, I
just have to trust Him. Hopefully I can move forward in boldness in my
future relationships and focus on being a “channel for the Spirit of God” to
flow through. As one of my best friends put it earlier, “I don’t want this
experience to defeat me, I want it to ignite me”.
Please feel free to share your comments - I just ask that you be respectful! For daily encouragement, like us on FB! https://www.facebook.com/Luminateyourpath
