Emotional Dependency (Christmas Blog)

Why is it that we look to others to make us feel good? Whether its wives looking for their husbands to appreciate what they do, husbands looking for support and encouragement from their wives, parents looking for their kids to be respectful and obedient, or even kids looking to get love & care from their parents...to be comforted and complimented. Friends looking to just be reassured and to "feel better". Employees wanting to be acknowledged and appreciated by their bosses and bosses wanting their workers to work hard & not disappoint.  We fill many various roles each day and each role comes with us expecting something from someone else.  Think about it...what was the last thing you expected from someone (you may have to think about this one because it probably comes so naturally yet subconsciously). 

More importantly, when was the last time you were hurt, or disappointed because that person did not give you what you wanted/needed at that moment.  Your wife didn't encourage you like you wanted her to..your husband didn't appreciate you like you wanted him to,..your son/daughter didn't obey you right away like you wanted them to...etc.  Time after time, day after day we go through this continuous process of trying to get others to fulfill our emotional needs & when they fail us, we are left upset, frustrated, sad, and even disappointed.  If this is the way you operate, you are essentially giving others control and free access to your emotions to do whatever they want with them. What they say or do determines your outcome. That doesn't seem right, does it? So why do we allow ourselves to go down this road of expectancy & disappointment over and over again? It is time we stop hinging our emotions on others to fulfill.  Now I'm not saying that we should not lean on each other for support & encouraging because the Bible clearly states that believers should do this (1 Thess 5:11,1 Peter 4:810, Gal 6:2, Heb 10:25), but what I am saying is that our dependency is in the wrong spot.

Instead of being emotionally dependent on one another, we need to be emotionally dependent on God. Many people think that God comes with limitations & that it’s unrealistic for Him to fill all of our human needs, but this type of thinking is flawed. The Bible provides many verses telling us to do just that. To rely on God for ALL our needs. Not just our physical needs or mental strength, but our emotions too. 

Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.(Phil 4:19)

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
(Matt 6:31-33)

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work. 
(2 Cor. 9:8) 

One of the greatest things about depending on God is that He does NOT DISAPPOINT! When we need Him to be there for us, He is there. Always. He won’t be running late & He will not disappoint.  He is our Counselor, our Comforter, & our Helper.  Get this, He knows your heart & what you need better than you know it!  One of my favorite sets of verses is found in Psalm 33:13-15

From heaven the Lord looks down
    and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth— he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.

God FORMS our hearts. He made our hearts! Do we now think that he doesn’t know what’s in them? When the truth is so plainly laid out, why do we still resist to allow ourselves to become fully dependent on Him? Why do we insist on depending on other people for fulfillment when they are guaranteed to disappoint??? I hope if you’re reading this you really think about what I am saying because the message here could truly set you free. If you put your emotional dependence in God’s hands & go to him when you need comfort, help, encouragement, strength, etc, then you will start to realize that your episodes of self-pity and disappointment occur less and less often.  You will also see that during the times when you do get disappointed or feel self-pity, those actual moments will become shorter & shorter.  You won’t harbor those feelings for hours or days. They will begin to dissipate more quickly as long as you run to God for fulfillment. 

I know we are all human & relying on one another to carry each other’s burdens and lift one another up is Biblical, but the primary source of our dependency should be Jesus. Then you can lean on one another. Put your emotional dependency in this order & you are destined to have a healthier mindset and a happier heart.  

As Christmas Time rolls around again this year, more opportunities for disappointment seem to surface than any other time of year. I encourage you to pray & read the Bible. Look for verses that pinpoint your struggles & memorize them. Turn your dependency to Christ & lean on Him. The best thing about all of this, is that His availability is not restricted to Christmastime.  He is available ALL throughout the year. Which leads me to my last & final point:

Don’t make Jesus a “seasonal” tradition just like Christmas Trees & Santa Claus & presents. I encourage you to make Him part of your everyday life…spend time with him in January & February and every month that follows leading up to Christmas.  Many people turn on their so called “Spirituality” around Thanksgiving time and then once the New Year hits, it tapers off.  How do you think Jesus feels? He is taken out of a closet & put on display in a manger for a couple of weeks (theoretically & realistically speaking) and then stuffed back into storage. That’s the same thing we do with Jesus in our lives.  We take Him out when it’s convenient…we go to church more often around the holidays…we try to be nicer to people and more giving…and we even sing songs about Christ’s birth. But then, when we lose the excitement & hype of the season, we shove Him back into the darkest, furthest closet in our hearts only to dust Him back off 11 months later. 
A relationship with Jesus is not a seasonal thing. At least it shouldn’t be.  I’m not saying this to lecture you because I struggle with this as well, but the peace, hope, comfort, security, and happiness that you yearn for and look forward to at Christmas can be attained throughout the entire year. Instead of a new year’s resolution, make a lifestyle resolution this year. Decide to incorporate Jesus into your life more frequently & you will begin to feel an inward transformation as others see an outward one.

I wrote the poem below a few years back but it still holds true until today. Some of you may remember this from when I gave them out, but I encourage you to read it again & keep the message with you all throughout the year.  I have been praying that at least one person will come to Jesus this year or even be restored to the right path in their life and return to Him. 

 I hope you all have a Blessed Christmas! See you next year!

DESTROY PRIDE & BE STILL

2 Kings 2 23-25 is a very odd passage of Scripture in terms of its placement. I was reading through 2 Kings and this paragraph didn’t seem to fit the storyline.  It seemed a little “off the cuff” and I even re-read it to make sure I wasn’t missing anything.  After I re-read it, I still did not understand its relevance and once you read it, you might not either.

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.

Pretty violent story huh? Well the Old Testament is full of violent stories which I am slowly finding out J  Shortly after I read this passage I continued on with my day & it was brought to my attention that I too was being “jeered” at only behind my back. It was not anything major, but internally I got very upset & frustrated. (The NKJV actually uses the word “mocked” instead of “jeered”) I could feel my blood pressure rising although I managed to give the appearance that it didn’t bother me.  Truth is = I was fueling inside!!  Why did this bother me so much? Why was I so upset over this when I know people thrive on gossip & when I know the story was misconstrued!

Have you ever experienced this? Has someone ever made fun of you, or talked down to you, or have you ever had a conversation with someone and you know the minute you walk away they are talking about you?! I’m sure we all have or do experience something like this. It just eats at you and you can’t shake the feeling.

Thankfully, the passage of Scripture that I mentioned above is what came to my mind at that moment. “Ah-ha”  - J  Now it made sense.  You see, when I read the story about 42 boys being killed by bears for simply making fun of Elisha, I thought, “man, that’s kind of harsh”, “poor boys”, but what I failed to do was look at it from the other perspective.  This story demonstrates the lengths God will go to in order to protect those who love Him. It displays His great power that can be utilized in the lives of His children. So instead of letting myself say “poor boys”, I now say “Great God”. God handled Elisha’s battle…even our smallest battles God can handle.  Not only is He able, He WANTS too.  Nowhere in the Bible does He say “You shall fight your own battles and do the best you can and THEN I will step in and take over”.  Instead it says “THE LORD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU, YOU ONLY NEED TO BE STILL” (Exodus 14:14). 

So while I was sitting there absorbing the words I just heard about what occurred behind my back, I re-read this passage & everything clicked. I prayed and asked God to relieve these horrible feelings of retaliation that I had. (In my mind I was already making up what I was going to say when I saw these people). Within a couple of minutes the intense feelings started to subside, and I realized that God was going to take care of things for me. I realized that none of this even mattered.  “Who cares?” I thought. “God knows the truth & that’s all that really matters”. An amazing thing happened during those few minutes. A true peace came over me, and at this very moment, I can laugh at the situation. “How petty” “How petty”. 

 

Another thing I realized was that the main thing that was causing those bad feelings to rise up, was my pride. Yes, I said it, Pride.

 

I didn’t want people to think something bad about me, especially if it wasn’t true! I didn’t want people to develop a false idea of who I am. This was really what was bothering me. It was the root cause of all of my emotions. (Interestingly enough Pride has been something I’ve been battling with anyway & praying about). Hmmm..maybe this was Gods way of helping me overcome it.  Either way, it worked.  Not completely of course because I’m still human, but it helped me learn to take a step back, and let God do what He does best: fight my battles for me & take care of my enemies.

With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles. (2 Chronicles 32:8)

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

(Rom 12:19)

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
    you preserve my life.
You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes;
    with your right hand you save me.

 (Psalm 138:7)

Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
 for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away….

The wicked plot against the righteous
    and gnash their teeth at them;
but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
    for he knows their day is coming

(Psalm 37: 1,2,13)

Psalm 37 is a great Psalm I encourage you to read! It provides many verses about how God will care for those who are saved & trust in Him & how He will take care of our enemies.

I hope you were encouraged by this blog. God cares about even the smallest things in our lives & I encourage you to keep a couple of these verses handy so you are prepared the next time your pride or character is threatened. Remember, Don’t React....let God Act.

 

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